Thursday, March 29, 2012

Where do I Belong but Right Where I am...

Life really is like going on a long trip.  You get on the highway and stop at rest stops, places to refuel yourself and your car, and, if you are traveling from the west side of the Cascades to the east side as I have done many times in the past few years, you will also find places of desolate landscape. The highway also has a lot of side roads you can take as well as get lost on, depending on your strategy or destination, not always the best of choices but sometimes worthwhile learning experiences. 

A couple of years ago, we found ourselves in our Suburban pulling a 26 ft. trailer taking many of those side roads as we neared Moses Lake from the east.  I-90 was closed in this section due to a dust storm and we were stuck on the wrong side of it trying to get home, another 4 hours away.  So, off the main road we went, it was quite an adventure and there were times we couldn't even see the road in front of us.  I will never forget that trip and how relieved we all were to find our way back to the main road.  It wasn't all bad, there were beautiful sights and interesting things to see on our side road trip.  We basically traveled parallel to the highway as much as we could and were alarmed when we veered too far away from it.  We felt safe as long as we knew where we get us back to the main road we had to make decisions based on nothing concrete to get us there in the end.  The roads were blocked all around us and it seemed we were never going to find our way back.  How similar that is to life.  When we are following God's ways and take a detour to avoid a wait or a discomfort of some kind we often find ourselves in a place that looks right and seems right, but then the dust comes and totally covers our way and we can't see a thing.  It clears again and we find we cannot know our way back, all looks hopeless and blocked off to us.  Then we find we are back on the road again not really sure how we got there...but by the grace of God!

 Our lives for the last 10 years have been like that, somehow we found (about 10 years ago) we had veered off God's road at some point in the past and for years He was slowly bringing us back to His road, although we didn't know it at the time, we had made a commitment to follow Him no matter what came our way and He was faithful to show us His ways little by little so we would not be overwhelmed by all the conflicts and changes this would bring to our lives.  We have always known the road was narrow, we heard that so often, but the road we were on didn't seem to be narrow as we read His Word, in fact it started to look rather wide as we started to leave it behind to follow the true narrow road. Since we have found this narrow, straight road, we have left it a few times for an easy way around an obstacle which never quite turns out right. Thankfully, through repentance and forgiveness we are always brought back to the road.   We were confused by traditions and doctrines that were not biblical nor had any possible connection to the truth but were intertwined with the truth and all these types of half truths, myths even, have had to be brought into the light of God's word and shown for what they are.  There are great differences between the road we were was quite wide (although we did not see that), there were a lot of others who believed as we did which made it seem right, and it was comfortable, to name a soon as we got onto the right road, we noticed how absolutely narrow it truly was and it was then we started trying to stay on this road because we saw the danger in the wide road appearing as something it was not and how subtle the lies were that we needed to weed out regardless of how we felt about things we thought we could do, or things we believed were true but were not actually, or what other people thought about us.  The dust storms are very intimidating and easily blinding and it takes a very long time and lots of hard work to recover from the blindness that surrounds one, especially if one believes one can see.  The blindness is a deep blindness, it seeks to destroy not just sight but gets right down into the heart and changes truth into what is believed to be true but is more often than not just a lie perpetrated on us by a very crafty deceiver. Would you eat a cookie if you knew it had chicken poo in it?  I mean it looks good...right?  We have recovered much of our sight...but I am sure we still see dimly and always will have some dimness with us somewhere that needs bringing into the light and examined thoroughly.  We see through a glass dimly, but then face to face...

Right now, if you don't know me or don't know me too well, you are probably wondering WHAT in the world is she talking about?  All I can say is read the Bible, the word of God and pray for understanding.  The WHOLE Bible, not just bits and pieces.  It may clear some things up for you.  If you don't have one you can go here, this is a great place to start: 

As the years have gone by since that trip through the dust and side roads of Eastern Washington many things have changed.  We have had many trips to the east side of the state and each time have felt we would eventually end up there somehow and we better get used to that idea.  So we did, we prepared for the inevitable as we had been preparing for couple years already, but all that seemed to happen was our friends moved to Wenatchee.  The adjustment was painful and hard, but it was fun too, (isn't that how life is), as we now could spend days with them instead of just hours.  After they were settled into their new home, we went home and I settled.  I settled for where we were, I hung up pictures in the hall.  Yes...that is how I settle.     Then, I told my mom basically this...'now that I have hung the pictures, we will probably have to move', and I laughed because it was funny and most probable to my life.  Nothing happened of course, months went by and the year turned...then it was February and we were forced to make a choice.  So, the choice was made again with much prayer and all of a sudden we were going to be moving across the state, it was clear that this was what we were to do, which is what we had been waiting for.  It still seems unreal and it was SO hard.  Hard because in most ways I really just wanted to stay where I was, I was comfortable and had my routine as exhausting as it sometimes was for me.  My kids were happy with their routine and their activities and visits, Grandma's, Aunt Karen's, CAP, quilting, clogging, Awana's...My husband was totally happy with his position at work, guns and keys and such, fun, fun!  We were settled...and then all of a sudden, it was time to go.  I wonder if Abraham ever had this difficulty...he must have, right?  No, stay, keep staying, ok, yes, you could go, but no, stay it's not the right time, yes it is time for them but you stay......alright GO,'s time to move!   

The actual moving day...week...6 weeks actually...was surreal.  I really am still having a hard time with realizing where I am.  It is so different.  We went from a place of lush greenery, beautiful lakes and streams, wonderful views of the utter desolation...we are surrounded by a desolate landscape, one that offers little 'natural' protection.  Desolation is a beautiful thing though.  I love driving through Vantage, I love seeing the desolation of what I believe to be the remnants of a catastrophic flood,  fountains of the deep bursting open...this is what it reminds me of anyway, it is true to me one way or another there was a flood in the Columbia River Gorge.  I love watching the brown and yellow hills turn green in just a few short days brought to life by the rain.  I love that it does rain even here, just not as much.  Desolation is where God does his work raining down on the dry earth to make it bloom and turn green.  If it is lush and green and lacks nothing there is no need of Him.  I love that this area reminds me of that.

I am thankful for the rest stops along the way where we could rest.  I am so glad for the last three years living where we did, the neighbors, the mountains, the kind landlord.  It was a lovely rest stop.  Much needed at a time when I wasn't sure God cared where we lived.  He gave me the Olympics to see on clear days, a wish I only mentioned in passing, and the means and provision to live there even when my mom had to move out.  I am so thankful for that much needed resting place of beauty. 

 Refueling comes in many forms and our friends have a great part in that, the chatting online, the visits with friends going to Wenatchee in the fall and our one visit to Beit Tefillah and Beit Aveinu online have been a great part of our 'refueling' as well as just resting on Shabbat.  Learning from God through and with others is one of my favorite things to do.  Eating the right food, 'refueling', is really important to your health both physically and spiritually.  You eat the wrong foods, it kills you slowly but surely and you become diseased and sick.  Still, I am recovering from sicknesses I picked up along the way. 

 It is an amazing journey we are on, I don't want to miss out on anything and this keeps me moving forward.  So, this is now where we is much larger than it looks...and I will grow and learn and settle a little faster here as apparently I need to learn to settle and enjoy where I am.  All the pictures have been hung too...  

Many Blessings to you in the name of our Lord and Savior Yeshua HaMaschiah! (Jesus Christ )