There is a place inside my heart that is easily wounded and frightened. I have been brought to this place more times than I can count and each time all I want to do is hide until it is over, which is always unrealistic and not what I need to do. The circumstances are never the same and it is always overwhelming. This is where I must trust that God will give me courage, that I am not actually alone, no matter how I 'feel' about it and that these moments are always for my good. How else will I grow if there is no adversity, no sadness, no pain?
Right now I am overwhelmed by many small things. Changes in how we eat, gardening that I can't get to, the kids and their learning...and...most of all, the fact that our friends will be moving away. That is the hardest thing of all to deal with for me right now. I am so happy for them and so sad for us. I fight selfishness because it is best they do move. I fight jealousy because I wish we could move too. I fight fear because now I will be more alone than before. I fight sadness because I want them to be well. Basically, I am a mess and can't say it. So, I will write it and whoever reads it can please pray for me.
I love my friends very much and can't wait for them to be well.
Here is a link to their blog, please keep them in your prayers as well: TheLymeofOurLives
This is a hard journey, but I wouldn't trade it for anything and neither would they. :)
UPDATE:
Being honest is so important. Sometimes being honest is such an emotional experience that all you can do is write or it turns into something more than what it actually is. After writing about how I was feeling and my struggles, I went into my Email Inbox where I had several unread David Wilkerson devotions from his blog that is being continued for an unknown time with his writings even though he is gone from us. I also read some of Michael Boldea's Homeward Bound posts which also helped to ease the battle of emotions and anxiety I was experiencing. As I have been pondering these things over the last couple days the overwhelming feeling has left and I once again have peace knowing that God cares for us all so much more than we know and everything is for our benefit. I have no desire to mope and feel sorry for myself but to be lifted up by His gentle hand and know that all things will work together.
In my reading last night I was reminded that He cares for us, we are his sheep, He is the Good Shepherd that watches over us. All we are to do is trust Him. When we find ourselves cast down, He knows where we are and will lift us up again. I learned more about sheep in this lesson. Sheep can find themselves in a postion where they can't get up and they panic and only make their situation worse by ending up completely on their backs, this is called 'being cast down', or simply 'cast'. They can't get up on their own and are in complete danger of dying of toxicity or of prey until they are found by their shepherd. This is what is meant by Jesus' parable of the Good Shepherd that he will leave the 99 and go after the one lost sheep. Once found by the relieved shepherd he then gentley turns them over and pickes them up rubbing their legs and holding them until they can stand on their own again and return to the flock.
Interesting huh? I love learning new things, especially when they have a deeper meaning for me. God is always there watching over us and when we are cast down he lifts us up again in our weakness and holds us until we are strong enough to walk forward again with Him beside us. Lovely, isn't it? Thank you Father for your indescribable gifts! Especially for Jesus our Good Shepherd!
This is what I was reading: The Amplified Bible and A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by Phillip Keller
